Noticing life along death

And then I noticed...


You never realized what life was worth until you saw someone die. You know, I always thought that was a bunch of bullshit, but I can't help but repeat it. Such a life changing moment death can be, to bad I only had to feel alive and well on someone else's account. Not like I wanted to, but I still felt damn selfish about it.

It was a sunny, and you know how that goes. All of the little children ran around in sprinklers while others sold lemonade to the couples and kids that took walks on this chipper day. I couldn't help but want to shoot every last one of them. I know it sounds like horrid thing to say, but it was really depressing. You know how it goes, your boyfriend breaks up with you on practically the best fucking day of summer, and you just continue to make it worse by wanting it all to end.

Anyways, it was a sunny day. It was all noisy and since I had a bad headache from drinking last night, I really felt lousy. Even though it was really bright outside, I sat in my room, pitch dark. I really hated the light when I was in a bad mood, especially when I had a headache. You could feel the pain throbbing along you temples to where it felt like your head was gonna explode. So I'm just sitting there in my room, wanting to be left alone and just sulk in my depression, but of course, that can never happen. I could hear my mother yelling in the other room about something and the next thing I know, she's in my room yelling at me.

"Ann?! Have you been in here all day? You know better then that! I told you to go and get me some milk! I have to have this dessert made by four o'clock and you're just sitting here on your lazy ass!? Get up and get me that milk!" I looked up to the doorway where my mother stood. My younger brother Greg was propped against her hip like he was attached and started to babble about some "blinky." Mother just ignore him as she scowled out of my room.

I rose slowly. My head throbbed and I felt real faint. I got changed anyways. Going out to get milk wasn't worth another one of mother's yelling frenzies. I brushed my hair out outta habit, not like anyone would notice though. It was always so plain and annoying, I was always surprised I had gotten a boyfriend to begin with. I'm sure that he just went out with me for my body anyways. You know how that goes, the guy gets with you cause he thinks you're gonna put out, and when he realizes that you won't, he just drops you. Fred was that type of guy, too bad I had decided to trust the fuck.

Anyways, I walked through the house and found mom and told her I was leaving, so then I left. The children were running around and the sun beat down on me. I'd have to walk in it to. Our car had broken down, that old chevy that just decided to give up on us. I told mom we should have gotten a new one, but No, we had to get a new TV and renovate part of the house. Damn bitch, I wish I was in charge of this house, we'd actually get some things done around here if I was in charge, not some lousy renovation and new TV that she never lets us watch in the damn first place.

The sun bit at me. You never really wanted to walk all the way to the supermarket in this weather, but I didn't have a fucking choice. I walked slowly, the heat seeping into my black shirt, sandals slapping nosily against the cement sidewalk. To get to the supermarket, you had to cross this busy road, where the cars travel a million miles a minute and you can't get any of them to stop for you. I had to run across the road like a bat out of hell, and I almost got killed myself in the process. What a story that would make. Imagine the headlines, "Mother sends daughter out to get milk but is tragically RUN OVER!!." Just the thought of that made me smile.

I eventually made it to the damn supermarket, the sweat dripping insanely from my forehead. I grabbed a bottle of water and mom's damn milk, paid for them and headed home. I finished up the water half way through the walk home, that hellish, bad-tasting, 4 dollar cheap ass bottle of water. I could have just put my sweat in a jar and drank that. I'm pretty sure it would have just tasted the same.

As I was saying, as I was walking home, I finished up the crappy water and threw the empty bottle aside. I had to cross that busy ass road again. I stood there for a moment gathering my strength to run across that damn road again when I saw someone run by me into traffic. The scene slowed as dark clothes disappeared into the traffic and when I heard a sickening crunch, I knew they hadn't made it out the other side. All of the cars came to a halt and I saw a body beneath one of the trucks. I ran up to the bloody mass that lay pasted on the sidewalk, shock just holding me in place. The people and the questions blared at me, the heat made me weary. I took one more good look at the poor fool.


And then I noticed...

It was Fred.

It was at the moment that irony of the moment shook me. I could hardly believe it and yet, part of me wanted to. Let's just say that I haven't looked a day in the face yet and said that it's been terrible, because through that bastard's death, I found my life, and I also found a reason to never have to get my mom anymore damn milk without driving a car to get it.